tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48112385938536949512024-03-19T14:54:39.561-07:00FW: Urgent MsgUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4811238593853694951.post-37352136967499267192007-02-28T04:57:00.000-08:002007-02-28T04:58:35.223-08:00RE: very funny... virgin storyA virgin girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night<br />and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a<br />big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that<br />after dinner, she would like to go out and make love<br />for the first time.<br /><br />* * * * * * * * *<br /><br />Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex<br />before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get<br />some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and<br />the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.<br />He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and<br />sex.<br /><br />* * * * * * * * *<br /><br />At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many<br />condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family<br />pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he<br />thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.<br /><br />* * * * * * * * *<br /><br />That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents<br />house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm<br />so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"<br /><br />* * * * * * * * *<br /><br />The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table<br />where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly<br />offers to say grace and bows his head.<br /><br />* * * * * * * * *<br /><br />A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,<br />with his head down.<br /><br />* * * * * * * * *<br /><br />10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.<br /><br />* * * * * * * * *<br /><br />Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the<br />girlfriend leans over and whispers to the<br />boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."<br /><br />* * * * * * * *<br /><br />The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your<br />father was a pharmacist."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4811238593853694951.post-84231040692431570212007-02-27T05:40:00.000-08:002007-02-27T05:45:04.686-08:00FW: DO YOU NEED LOAN? IF YES THEN I CAN HELP YOU OUT.<span style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:85%;">Here's a spam email I received this morning...</span><br /><br /></span><blockquote><span style="font-family:arial;">I am Mr Carthy .K. Moore the chairman and chief executive of CARTHY MOORE FINANCIAL FIRMS.<br /><br />I am writing to formally introduce my firms and it,s function to you, my firm is a firm that has touch the life of people all over the world by lending them money they needed then as loan when they needed it for thier urgent personal use or for business setup or project funding.<br /><br />Now i bring to your notice becuase i feel you might be in need of a loan, if you are i need of a loan then contact me via this mail address carthy_moorees@yahoo.com if you need get a loan.</span></blockquote><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">1. Do people actually reply to these?<br />2. The spelling is horrible<br />3. Mr Carthy .K. Moore must have a lot of money to be offering loans to millions of people. Maybe I should reply...</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4811238593853694951.post-26063908849622997012007-02-26T06:36:00.000-08:002007-02-26T06:37:53.021-08:00FW: FYI<span style="font-family:arial;">I don't know if you have seen the commericial for the Philadelphia Cream cheese premade cheesecake filling or not. I did and bought it. Don't bother trying it. It was disgusting...</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4811238593853694951.post-67151785341574980412007-02-23T05:55:00.000-08:002007-02-23T05:59:40.483-08:00FW: Tequila and Salt<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"><strong><blockquote><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"><strong>Tequila and Salt<br /></strong><br />This<br />should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror where one could<br />read it<br />every day. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">1. There are at least two people in this world<br />that you would die for. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">2. At least 15 people in this world love you in<br />some way. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you<br />is because they want to<br />be just like you. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">4. A smile from you can bring happiness to<br />anyone, even if they don't<br />like you. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before<br />they go to sleep. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">6. You mean the world to someone. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">7. You are special and unique. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">8. Someone that you don't even know exists<br />loves you.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"><br />9. When you make the biggest mistake<br />ever, something good comes from it. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">10. When you think the world has turned its<br />back on you take another<br />look. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">11. Always remember the compliments you<br />received. Forget about the rude<br />remarks.</span><br /></blockquote></strong></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;">I'm not sure why this email was titled Tequila and Salt. When I think of tequila and salt, images of late nights with hotties doing body shots off of each other comes to mind. But that's just how my twisted mind works. ;)</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4811238593853694951.post-15983891365308194342007-02-23T05:52:00.000-08:002007-02-23T05:53:31.671-08:00FW: An L.A. chat with Jesus<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Many times when I am troubled or confused, I find comfort in sitting in my back yard and having a quiet conversation with Jesus.<br />This happened to me the other night, after a particularly difficult day, I said,<br />"Jesus, why do I work so hard?"<br /><br />And I heard the reply, "Men find many ways to demonstrate the love they have for their family. You work hard to have a peaceful, beautiful place for your friends and family to gather."<br /><br />And I said, "I thought that money was the root of all evil."<br /><br />And the reply was, "No, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money is a tool; it can be used for good or bad"<br />I was starting to feel better, but I still had that one burning question, so I asked it -<br /><br />"Jesus," I said, "what is the meaning of life? Why am I here?"<br /><br />He replied, "That is a question many men ask. The answer is in your heart and is different for everyone. I would love to sit and chat with you some more, señor, but I have to finish your lawn now</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4811238593853694951.post-53213774119830626292007-02-12T05:30:00.000-08:002007-02-23T05:53:53.948-08:00FROM: OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT<p><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Looks like I have a refund due to me from the African Development Bank in Japan. They must not be a very big bank if they have to use Yahoo Mail. Maybe they can give me a loan too.</span></p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>新しいメールアドレスをお知らせします<br />新しいメールアドレス: <a href="mailto:afdbk011@yahoo.co.jp">afdbk011@yahoo.co.jp</a></p><p>FROM: OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENTAFRICAN DEVELOPEMENT BANK </p><p>SUBJECT: FUNDS DELIVERY</p><p>YOUR OVERDUE PAYMENT IS NOW READY FOR COLLECTION CONTACT ME FOR DETAILS: </p><p>CHAMBERLIN OSOMOLE</p><p>SECRETARY. </p><p></p><p>- FROM: AFRICAN DEVELOPEMENT BANK</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4811238593853694951.post-30224430712154123172007-02-08T10:36:00.001-08:002007-02-08T06:05:02.859-08:00FW: The Good Husband<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party.<br />Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from them party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table, and, next to them, a single red rose!!<br /><br />Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.<br /><br />He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.<br />Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight.<br />I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"<br /><br />He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"<br /><br />"Well, you came home after 3 A.M, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.<br /><br />Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean?<br />I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table w aiting for me?"<br /><br />His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!"<br /><br />Broken Coffee Table $239.99<br />Hot Breakfast $4.20<br />Two Aspirins $.38<br />Saying the right thing, at the right time PRICELESS</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4811238593853694951.post-79309663767135396872007-02-08T05:33:00.000-08:002007-02-23T06:09:46.136-08:00FW: Bill & Hillary<a href="http://i15.tinypic.com/3y6bpy9.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://i15.tinypic.com/3y6bpy9.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><div><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><div><span style="font-family:arial;">Bill and Hillary are at a Yankees home game, sitting in the first<br />row, with the Secret Service people directly behind them.<br /><br />One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something<br />to Bill.<br /><br />At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back<br />at the agent, and shakes his head "no."<br /><br />The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was an unanimous request of<br />the entire team, from the owner of the team to the bat boy."<br /><br />Bill hesitates... but begins to change his mind when the agent<br />tells him the fans would love it!<br /><br />Bill shrugs his shoulders and says; "Ho-Kay! If that is what the<br />people want<br /><br />C'mere Hilly baby..." With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her<br />collar and the seat of her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over<br />the wall onto the field.<br /></div></span><br /><br /><div><span style="font-family:arial;">She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming; "Bill you!"$#@&!&!<br /><br />The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans are jumping up and down,<br />cheering, hooting and hollering, and high-fiving.<br /><br />Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd.<br /><br />He leans over to the agent and says, "How about that! I would have<br />never believed how much everyone would enjoy that!"<br /><br />Noticing that the agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong.<br /><br />The agent replies, "Sir, I said they wanted you to throw out the first Pitch!" </span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4811238593853694951.post-20368602986590132312007-02-08T05:29:00.000-08:002007-02-07T06:23:03.985-08:00FW: AWARDING..FUNDS<span style="font-family:arial;">It appears that I have won the e-Lotto Sweepstakes UK. </span><a href="mailto:samdaman11@cox.net"><span style="font-family:arial;">samdaman11@cox.net</span></a><span style="font-family:arial;"> sent me this email:</span><br /><br /><blockquote><p><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">This email is to notify you of your winnings in our online promo.Please contact<br />our fiduciary agent Mrs Sharon cole with this<br />email: <a href="mailto:verification102unit@yahoo.co.uk">verification102unit@yahoo.co.uk</a><br />Sir.Richard Lloyd,<br />Co-ordinator.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="font-size:85%;"></span></p></span></blockquote><span style="font-family:arial;">I can't wait to claim my prize!</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4811238593853694951.post-38130384432213597102007-02-07T06:22:00.000-08:002008-11-12T23:31:56.409-08:00FW: How you can tell you've ticked off an engineer...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmUTSZN2rgu99AHQ5p8IrGr2lWx4zJbR-kOG3-bJcluzmY9TXVMoMNy3QC7vdIXFxKrmZpojxcBpgmkTgs6OERxUal8EimduI-Cr-Gz5-7EQ2hk9PbnpuNWrrn0YUN6QRQpuDSBMMvluI/s1600-h/ck.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5028797578083992882" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmUTSZN2rgu99AHQ5p8IrGr2lWx4zJbR-kOG3-bJcluzmY9TXVMoMNy3QC7vdIXFxKrmZpojxcBpgmkTgs6OERxUal8EimduI-Cr-Gz5-7EQ2hk9PbnpuNWrrn0YUN6QRQpuDSBMMvluI/s400/ck.bmp" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4811238593853694951.post-10049325931986220682007-02-07T05:51:00.000-08:002007-02-07T05:52:49.026-08:00FW: Ponderisms<p><img style="WIDTH: 211px; HEIGHT: 320px" src="http://docs.google.com/File?id=dgmrkw8f_2dxp6n3" /></p><p></p><p><strong>Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze<br />these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"</strong></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4811238593853694951.post-64021935675681404942007-02-07T05:28:00.000-08:002008-11-12T23:31:56.556-08:00FW: Lesson of the Day<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBVrb3XDSP4CHVeQG3LaaHNtBNaa-p6UBa4mPz3UhZbJlxKXFozqCt0QJEt2MvxPxlrbPY7E7QyzdfRviLtT7iHJ3I6PmkxBqphB-j_ZXIQ0gr7LVkf2HQuWpctfUSA54TRrg-ZamOaL4/s1600-h/buffalo.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5028783782649038114" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBVrb3XDSP4CHVeQG3LaaHNtBNaa-p6UBa4mPz3UhZbJlxKXFozqCt0QJEt2MvxPxlrbPY7E7QyzdfRviLtT7iHJ3I6PmkxBqphB-j_ZXIQ0gr7LVkf2HQuWpctfUSA54TRrg-ZamOaL4/s200/buffalo.jpg" border="0" /></a><span style="font-family:arial;">A herd of Buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cell. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">That's why you feel smarter after a few beers.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4811238593853694951.post-26883302988221750292007-01-31T05:54:00.000-08:002008-11-12T23:31:56.683-08:00If you see this guy, please be careful. He packs a razor sharp throwing star.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJJzt9WzN0BzBxTBuQyqEiSSHWw99LjvQxfdIZpO5paMgOIWlR4mVpVB-gRz5mPrnJdi8ELJCNX0XI_f_ieF-ToMD_-G_2qS4wQnVv3Rvz-5loI0QBK8PmxX5Kmj0_tlojmE9vsg-mH-0/s1600-h/hobo-28753.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5026192701827066786" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJJzt9WzN0BzBxTBuQyqEiSSHWw99LjvQxfdIZpO5paMgOIWlR4mVpVB-gRz5mPrnJdi8ELJCNX0XI_f_ieF-ToMD_-G_2qS4wQnVv3Rvz-5loI0QBK8PmxX5Kmj0_tlojmE9vsg-mH-0/s320/hobo-28753.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4811238593853694951.post-44364852085806663392007-01-30T13:38:00.000-08:002007-01-30T18:01:02.551-08:00FW: Ponderisms<a href="http://www.zenbutoh.com/charactergallery/images/robot-maid-at-Christmas-par.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 200px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://www.zenbutoh.com/charactergallery/images/robot-maid-at-Christmas-par.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family:arial;">The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.<br /><br /><br /></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4811238593853694951.post-34803216576743603992007-01-29T06:06:00.000-08:002007-01-29T06:11:19.005-08:00FW: Ponderisms<span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><a href="http://www.acornhost.com/img/plant-dirt.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 212px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 155px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" height="160" alt="" src="http://www.acornhost.com/img/plant-dirt.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><span style="font-family:arial;">Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant, is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.</span></div><br /><div><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><br /><div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4811238593853694951.post-78485068558020652742007-01-29T05:54:00.001-08:002007-01-29T05:54:43.757-08:00FW: Album Of The Year (So far...)<p>If you're a fan of really good music then you must must MUST go out and buy the new Shins album! Here's a review of it if you need further convincing:</p><p><br /><a href="http://indoorfireworks.blogspot.com/2007/01/of-all-churning-random-hearts-under-sun.html">http://indoorfireworks.blogspot.com/2007/01/of-all-churning-random-hearts-under-sun.html</a></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4811238593853694951.post-31763567532705662292007-01-29T05:47:00.000-08:002007-01-29T05:51:12.724-08:00FW: Dallas Cowboys<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">// Forwarded by KC //</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Q: What do you call 47 millionaires sitting around a TV watching the<br />Super Bowl?<br />A: The Dallas Cowboys.<br /><br />Q: What do the Dallas Cowboys and Billy Graham have in common?<br />A: They both can make 60,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".<br /><br />Q: How do you keep a Dallas Cowboy out of your yard?<br />A: Put up goal posts.<br /><br />Q: Where do you go in Dallas in case of a tornado?<br />A: To Texas Stadium- they never get a touchdown there!<br /><br />Q: What do you call a Dallas Cowboy with a Super Bowl ring?<br />A: A thief.<br /><br />Q: Why was Bill Parcells upset when the Dallas Cowboys play book was<br />stolen?<br />A: Because he hadn't finished coloring it.<br /><br />Q: What's the difference between the Dallas Cowboys and a dollar bill?<br />A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.<br /><br />Q: What do the Dallas Cowboys and possums have in common?<br />A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4811238593853694951.post-61221077815405015562007-01-29T05:43:00.000-08:002008-11-12T23:31:57.041-08:00FW: Picture Of The Year<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfnSbTnIOYvU-RIRap_9Q7Imr5ee4a01ficxPVmur2iPgchdIY4wUO4xA8kv20PEUxAwDxW4xJElX8GJzc1hqsgT3Yc_E3iVA1XH7K_pYAuK2ObJovK4ugX1ZL9RMTOlinmdCub9Ef8uw/s1600-h/poty.bmp"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfnSbTnIOYvU-RIRap_9Q7Imr5ee4a01ficxPVmur2iPgchdIY4wUO4xA8kv20PEUxAwDxW4xJElX8GJzc1hqsgT3Yc_E3iVA1XH7K_pYAuK2ObJovK4ugX1ZL9RMTOlinmdCub9Ef8uw/s320/poty.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5025448710412184466" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4811238593853694951.post-68195080719817960972007-01-29T05:40:00.000-08:002008-11-12T23:31:57.171-08:00FW: 20 inches of snow in Texas<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTycXiTBdOcAERirlKa2yFHNXhA-t7TX6AqdcYJk6u6esKL80sH5M7_PEHvVtRBLFtaDtKE0Q4hOwruY-9QYZWIJagAmaRAkWrDK25JE7BBGvJFnhFLnH8g3zjQSqh8dt4n2b19mERm2Q/s1600-h/20.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTycXiTBdOcAERirlKa2yFHNXhA-t7TX6AqdcYJk6u6esKL80sH5M7_PEHvVtRBLFtaDtKE0Q4hOwruY-9QYZWIJagAmaRAkWrDK25JE7BBGvJFnhFLnH8g3zjQSqh8dt4n2b19mERm2Q/s320/20.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5025447181403827058" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4811238593853694951.post-69464003350308422092007-01-29T05:22:00.000-08:002007-01-29T05:26:12.567-08:00FW: The Cat<p><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">// I survived my snowboarding trip and have returned without any broken bones. My neck is a bit sore from a collision with another snowboarder and I jammed my finger, but I am still able to post all of these crazy emails I have received when I was away. //</span></p><p><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">"THE CAT"<br /><br />We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Ever Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet, and put the cat in the backyard.<br /><br />We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.<br /><br />My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."<br /><br />A few minutes later, I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said, as we d rove away. "That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"<br /><br />The cab driver hit a parked car</span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4811238593853694951.post-57616074762123053622007-01-19T12:31:00.000-08:002007-01-19T12:39:31.843-08:00Austria, Here I Come!<EMBED src="http://i83.photobucket.com/albums/j288/miller2348/myspace/flash/countdown/countdown-5.swf?targetYear=2007&targetMonth=0&targetDay=21&targetHour=&targetMinute=&targetSecond=&targetMessage=SnowBoarding in Austria!!!" loop=false menu=false quality=high bgcolor=0 WIDTH="300" HEIGHT="150" NAME="typcountdowngen" ALIGN="center" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" PLUGINSPAGE="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></EMBED><br /><br/><br />There will be a lack of posts on this page. That's because I'll be snowboarding. I will try to update it inbetween binge drinking, hot tubbing, and trying to kill myself on the alps.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4811238593853694951.post-46798412909479349362007-01-19T12:01:00.000-08:002007-01-19T12:03:29.701-08:00FW: THINGS YOU PROBABLY DON'T KNOW<span style="font-family:arial;"><strong>THINGS YOU PROBABLY DON'T KNOW </strong></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">1 . Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton. <br /><br />2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.<br /><br />3. The dot over the letter i is called a "tittle".<br /><br />4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up <br />and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.<br /><br />5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller. <br /><br />6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals. <br /><br />7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled. <br /><br />8. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes.<br />He was albino.<br /><br />9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, <br />daily. <br /><br />10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister. <br /><br />11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog. <br /><br />12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode. <br /><br />13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).<br /><br />14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants. <br /><br />15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine. <br /><br />16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters. <br /><br />17. Leonardo DA Vinci could write with one hand and draw with <br />the other at the same time . hence, multi-tasking was invented.)<br /><br />18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World <br />War II were made of wood. <br /><br />19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos. <br /><br />20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was <br />never a recorded Wendy before! <br /><br />21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!<br /><br />22. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips. <br /><br />23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.<br /><br />24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was a Captain Kirk's mask painted white. <br /><br />25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19 You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar (good to know.) <br /><br />26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you <br />can't sink in quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless.)<br /><br />27. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English <br />law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider <br />than your thumb. <br /><br />28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola. <br /><br />29 Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a <br />piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples!<br /><br />30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!<br /><br />31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher. <br /><br />32. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries. <br /><br />33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it. <br /><br />34. George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart . "Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O. J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and <br />they haul her fanny off to jail."</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4811238593853694951.post-44498908913568342712007-01-19T10:08:00.000-08:002007-01-19T10:13:35.875-08:00Fridays Feast: Feast One Hundred & Twenty SevenFeast One Hundred & Twenty Seven<br /><br />Appetizer <br />Which television shows do you just refuse to miss?<br />24 & House<br /><br />Soup<br />Who did you last speak to on the telephone?<br />A Client<br /><br />Salad <br />How many pillows do you keep on your bed?<br />6 - 8<br /><br />Main Course <br />Name one addition to your computer (software, hardware, etc.) that you'd love to have.<br />1TB External Network Drive<br /><br />Dessert <br />What is your favorite foreign food<br />Pizza<br /><br /><script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.blenza.com/linkies/autolink.php?owner=rockmypix&postid=19Jan2007&meme=ff"></script>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4811238593853694951.post-85940626661389818992007-01-19T08:35:00.000-08:002007-01-19T12:01:23.541-08:00FW: Ponderisms<p align="left"><a href="http://www.unbridledmartialarts.com/Working%20Documents/Insider%20Tips/DrinkingWater.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 149px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 140px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" height="127" alt="" src="http://www.unbridledmartialarts.com/Working%20Documents/Insider%20Tips/DrinkingWater.jpg" border="0" /></a></p><span style="font-family:arial;"><br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong>Ponderism of the Day:</strong></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.</span><br /><br/><br/><br />p.s. I'm actually eating granola as I'm posting thisUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4811238593853694951.post-9268179708409624842007-01-19T08:29:00.000-08:002007-01-19T08:34:58.476-08:00FW: Republican fisherman<span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"><em>An email from a co-worker...</em></span><br /><br /><a href="http://photohome.com/pictures/hot-air-balloon-pictures/balloon-33a.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photohome.com/pictures/hot-air-balloon-pictures/balloon-33a.jpg" border="0" /></a> <div><em><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"></span></em></div><div><em><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"></span></em></div><div><em><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"></span></em></div><br /><div><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."</span></div><br /><div><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49 minutes west longitude." </span></div><br /><div><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican." </span></div><br /><div><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?" </span></div><br /><div><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with the information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me." </span></div><br /><div><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."</span></div><br /><div><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;"><br />"I am," responded the balloonist. "How did you know?" </span></div><br /><div><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;">"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position that you were before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault." </span></div><br /><div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0