Wednesday, February 28, 2007

RE: very funny... virgin story

A virgin girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night
and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a
big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that
after dinner, she would like to go out and make love
for the first time.

* * * * * * * * *

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex
before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get
some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and
the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.
He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and

* * * * * * * * *

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many
condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family
pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he
thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

* * * * * * * * *

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents
house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm
so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

* * * * * * * * *

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table
where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly
offers to say grace and bows his head.

* * * * * * * * *

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,
with his head down.

* * * * * * * * *

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

* * * * * * * * *

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the
girlfriend leans over and whispers to the
boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

* * * * * * * *

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your
father was a pharmacist."

Tuesday, February 27, 2007


Here's a spam email I received this morning...

I am Mr Carthy .K. Moore the chairman and chief executive of CARTHY MOORE FINANCIAL FIRMS.

I am writing to formally introduce my firms and it,s function to you, my firm is a firm that has touch the life of people all over the world by lending them money they needed then as loan when they needed it for thier urgent personal use or for business setup or project funding.

Now i bring to your notice becuase i feel you might be in need of a loan, if you are i need of a loan then contact me via this mail address if you need get a loan.

1. Do people actually reply to these?
2. The spelling is horrible
3. Mr Carthy .K. Moore must have a lot of money to be offering loans to millions of people. Maybe I should reply...

Monday, February 26, 2007


I don't know if you have seen the commericial for the Philadelphia Cream cheese premade cheesecake filling or not. I did and bought it. Don't bother trying it. It was disgusting...

Friday, February 23, 2007

FW: Tequila and Salt

Tequila and Salt

should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror where one could
read it
every day. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.

1. There are at least two people in this world
that you would die for.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in
some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you
is because they want to
be just like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to
anyone, even if they don't
like you.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before
they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. You are special and unique.

8. Someone that you don't even know exists
loves you.

9. When you make the biggest mistake
ever, something good comes from it.

10. When you think the world has turned its
back on you take another

11. Always remember the compliments you
received. Forget about the rude

I'm not sure why this email was titled Tequila and Salt. When I think of tequila and salt, images of late nights with hotties doing body shots off of each other comes to mind. But that's just how my twisted mind works. ;)

FW: An L.A. chat with Jesus

Many times when I am troubled or confused, I find comfort in sitting in my back yard and having a quiet conversation with Jesus.
This happened to me the other night, after a particularly difficult day, I said,
"Jesus, why do I work so hard?"

And I heard the reply, "Men find many ways to demonstrate the love they have for their family. You work hard to have a peaceful, beautiful place for your friends and family to gather."

And I said, "I thought that money was the root of all evil."

And the reply was, "No, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money is a tool; it can be used for good or bad"
I was starting to feel better, but I still had that one burning question, so I asked it -

"Jesus," I said, "what is the meaning of life? Why am I here?"

He replied, "That is a question many men ask. The answer is in your heart and is different for everyone. I would love to sit and chat with you some more, señor, but I have to finish your lawn now

Monday, February 12, 2007


Looks like I have a refund due to me from the African Development Bank in Japan. They must not be a very big bank if they have to use Yahoo Mail. Maybe they can give me a loan too.









Thursday, February 8, 2007

FW: The Good Husband

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party.
Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from them party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table, and, next to them, a single red rose!!

Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.
Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight.
I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean?
I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table w aiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!"

Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time PRICELESS